hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Randomize
