The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
