I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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