The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
worst night to have a conscience
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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