hotel room ftw
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
