OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
