i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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