I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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