Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
