no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
