I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Found your dick twin last night
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
