C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
its not stalking. its research.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Randomize
