I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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