I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
