Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
