the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
That's how pantless uber rides happen
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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