Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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