matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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