I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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