Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
