she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
