Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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