I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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