she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize