Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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