so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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