somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
