did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
