he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
