you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
