Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
We left an ass print on the piano.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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