And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
