sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
