I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
