I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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