Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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