The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
