I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
