does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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