My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
