i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize