go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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