Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
