i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
