I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
