Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
