I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
you made out with another girl for some wings
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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