It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
