She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
We don't watch enough power rangers
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
