I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
