never play flip cup with pint glasses
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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