So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
