Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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