I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
