when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
