I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
