He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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