Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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