I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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