I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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