I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
