I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
