you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You may now shotgun with the bride
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
