apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
