Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
