Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
