did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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