Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
